How To Prevent Couples Counseling With Relationship Check In

what is relationship check in

Relationship Check-In Questions for You and Your Partner

I have noticed with all of my clients it is easy to slip into a transactional relationship with your partner where you miss out on closeness and connection without a relationship check in. It is easy to do with busy work lives, travel and family commitments.

Relationship Check in with clients

As a relationship coach, I’ve learned that maintaining a happy and close relationship requires not only nurturing with love and touch, but also effective, open communication and committed time to prioritize the time to talk and reconnect.

No matter how strong your connection may seem, it still is essential to regularly check in with your partner. Because even seemingly minor issues can accumulate and create tension over time if left unaddressed.

I have seen time and again small issues that were not addressed turned into hurt and resentment because no-one wanted to “rock the boat.”

By proactively discussing concerns and expressing your feelings, you can prevent these small issues from growing into big blowouts that can overtime undermine your love and trust.

If you’ve noticed any changes in your partner’s behavior or a sense of disconnect, such as increased distance or new habits that concern you, it’s crucial to address them openly and honestly as soon as possible.

Just using some of these open-ended relationship questions can be a powerful tool to get you back on track and ultimately closer.

What Is A Relationship Check In

Before diving into the questions, let’s explore some essential tips to make sure you have a productive and helpful relationship check-in.

First and most important set it up to the best of your abilities so that you both feel at ease and comfortable. Choose a relaxed setting, such as the living room or patio, avoiding overly intimate spaces like the bedroom. Set your devices on Do Not Disturb. Create, as best as possible, a time you will not be interrupted by family members, animals, etc.

Establish some ground rules regarding communication styles during the check-in. Honesty is great when tempered with kindness and respect. Reconfirm that the goal is to enhance the relationship, not to judge, criticize or belittle.

Once you’re both at ease, approach the conversation as just that—a dialogue, not an interrogation. If your partner expresses something unclear, seek clarification with further questions or examples.

When addressing issues, focus on actionable solutions rather than dwelling solely on problems.

Now, that you are ready to start this journey of self-discovery and growth together. I am offering two sets of questions. One for quick weekly check ins and another set of more in-depth questions for a bi-annual or annual review.

Weekly Relationship Check in Questions

  1. What is something you’re appreciative about yourself this week?
    Share your achievements. What made you feel proud of yourself this week. Sometimes we forget to tell the person closest to us of our “wins.” It can be something simple like I kept to my workout schedule, I listened deeply to the kids or I finished that project I had been procrastinating getting done.
  2. What was the most challenging part of your week?
    Discuss some of the difficulties you faced like receiving negative feedback from a colleague or friend or feeling bored at work.
  3. How could I have made you feel more supported this week?
    So what they could have provided during those struggles that would have felt more supportive like listening without fixing or taking over your household chores.
  4. What are you hoping to accomplish next week?
    Give your partner insights into what you how to achieve in the coming week.
  5. What can I do to support your goals?
    Give specifics as to how you would feel best support like giving you extra time at work or on the weekend.
  6. When did you feel most connected with me this week?
    Share what they did or said that made you felt most connected and close like making you lemon water in the morning or rubbing your neck.
  7. What is a loving action you’d like me to do this coming week?
    Examples: a kiss hello or good bye everyday, sitting close on the couch while watching TV, deep meaningful hug, sending a joke to get you to laugh.
  8. What if anything frustrated you this week?
    Explore if something you did irritated or annoyed the other person like forgetting to make the bed or empty the dishwasher, not coming home when you said, etc.
  9. How can I best support you when you are upset?
    It could be just listen, show empathy and compassion, or just give me time to cool down and process before we talk.
  10. What would you like to do together next week?
    Watch a new TV series together, read a book to each other at night, walk after dinner just the 2 of you or plan a date night out.

More In-Depth Relationship Check-In Questions

Choose a few of the more appropriate ones for your particular relationship.

  1. Do you feel like we’ve spent or spend enough time together?
  2. Is there anything you would like to do more of? 
  3. What are the things I have done that you appreciated or made you feel loved?
  4. Is there anything that’s been bothering you that we haven’t talked about yet?
  5. What do you want us to work on together? 
  6. How do you think our communication has been going lately?
  7. What are your personal goals this month/year and how can I help support them?
  8. Are there any new adventures/experiences you’d like to have together?
  9. Do you have any needs I haven’t been fulfilling lately?
  10. What can I do to make your days better or easier?
  11. What am I doing now that you really like or appreciate?
  12. What do you see as my biggest growth areas to improve on?
  13. Is there anything that I used to do at the beginning of our relationship, but don’t do as often now, that you’d like me to start again?
  14. Is there anything that’s been stressful for you lately that I should be aware of?
  15. Have you been generally happy? 
  16. Is there anything that you’d like to do differently or try in the bedroom or outside the bedroom? 
  17. What are you looking forward to this month/year?
  18. Is there anything you’d like to discuss about our goals for our future? Anything to update, change or discuss?
  19. What are some ways we can have more pay and fun in our relationship?
  20. Do you feel close to me lately? 
  21. Do you feel like anything has been missing from our relationship?
  22. How do you think we’ve been doing with resolving conflicts? 
  23. How are you feeling about your time for self-care habits? 
  24. Are there any important upcoming dates/times I should be aware of? 
  25. Is there anything else you’d like to talk about?

There you have it! Now you’re ready to have an interesting and hopefully productive conversation with your partner. 


Creating a safe and supportive environment for open dialogue allows both partners to voice their concerns and work together to resolve issues and find mutually satisfying solutions.

Remember, communication is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship. By prioritizing regular relationship check ins and maintaining open lines of communication, you can strengthen your bond and navigate challenges together with love and understanding.


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