Why Are Relationship Skills Important? 

Have you ever noticed that in a stressful situation you or others sometimes melt down to a 5 year old self? It is very common, but it is very hard on relationships.

Why Some People Drive You Crazy and What You Can Do About It

Come join Wendy Lynne and Alinda Page for an Advanced Relationship Skills class on April 23rd from 1:00 to 5:00 pm. You will get concrete instructions on how to realize more fulfillment in all your relationships.

Humans Scan For Danger Every 4 Seconds  

Why?  Because we, as humans, are always unconsciously seeking safety.  

When you were young, do you remember some kids were bullies, or super timid, or rule-followers, or overly nice?  And now that you’re an adult, do you still see a lot of similar childhood patterns?

Perhaps some people drive you crazy and you’re not sure why? 

There are a lot of personality tests out there designed to help you understand yourself better like Myers Briggs, Enneagram or even your astrology sign.  Those tell you about your personality.  What they don’t tell you is how as a child you adapted your life in order to feel safe and how as an adult when you face difficulties or obstacles, you’re likely to react in the same way you did as a child.  

Your Just Trying To Be Safe

Your adaptive behaviors to feel safe are not the real you.

Your adaptive behaviors are a safety-seeking overlay of your authentic self.  Often, these behaviors unconsciously drive your thinking, decision-making and behavior and can cause physical challenges. 

In childhood, it was necessary and understandable to create those “adaptive safety strategies”.  Now, those same behaviors can limit your empowered self from fully showing up in the world. 

Ask yourself, when someone rejects you, your boss yells at you, your co-worker is advancing faster than you, your spouse criticizes you, or when you are all alone – how do you react or respond?

By understanding that you have your own reactive safety strategy patterns and why other people are responding to you based on their reactive patterns, you are empowered to shift and change how you react to challenging people in difficult or frustrating situations.

It is absolutely possible to move beyond those limitations and you will learn how in our upcoming class on Sunday, April 23rd from 1:00 to 5:00 pm (see details below.).

How To Figure Out What Is Your Safety Strategy

Read through these descriptions of the 5 Reactive Patterns and see which most resonates with you:

THE LEAVING PATTERN: I’m not safe when I am in my body.

I have a hard time functioning in the world. When I am stressed, scared, or overwhelmed, I feel like I must get away or leave.

Q: Does the world feel hard to be in? Do you want to escape?  Do you want to become invisible?  Do you leave your body?

Gifts: Creative, curious, playful, and fun.  Empathic and sensitive. Open to intuitive perceptions.  Easily access the spiritual realm or ideas.

THE MERGING PATTERN: I’m not safe when I am disconnected or separate from other people. I’ll do anything to get other people’s love, attention, approval.  

Q: Do you try to give others what they need, even if it means sacrificing your own needs? Do you feel unsafe or abandoned when you are alone? Do need to be actively engaged with people around you?  

Gifts: Loving, generous, and nurturing. Enjoy giving pleasure and sharing pleasure through food, intimacy, and play.

THE ENDURING PATTERN: I’m not safe when someone invades my boundaries, physically or emotionally. I act compliant, but inwardly I feel resistant.  Often, I feel stuck and don’t take action: I just endure or tolerate.

Q: Do you resent other people telling you what to do? Do you like to process before you respond or answer a request or question?  Do you need time alone or just to be left alone?

Gifts: Patient, solid and grounded. Enjoy their own company and are comfortable being alone. 

THE ASSERTIVE PATTERN: I’m not safe when I can’t trust someone, or they are trying to control me. I want to be in charge or the leader.  I trust myself and am wary of people I can’t trust. I am highly competitive.

Q: Do you go all out to win? Can you read other people’s intentions or energy? Do you get either angry or charming to get your way? Do you get angry when things are not fair?

Gifts: Magnetic, charismatic, passionate, leaders.  Take action and lead others. Innovative and open to try new things. Are a force of energy.  Natural leaders.

THE RIGID PATTERN: I’m not safe when I act or look imperfect. Also, when my world or space feels disorganized or chaotic when I must change plans. I want to do it the “right” way.  I like to follow the rules, but they must be my rules. I am good at putting things in order or structure.  I want to feel in control.

Q: Do you always try to perform well and follow the rules? Do you try to maintain order? Do you expect others to follow your rules? Do you think you always know the best way or right way?

Gifts: Good at recognizing patterns and structure. Clear and linear thinkers. Detail oriented and strategic. Excellent at setting boundaries and expectations.

Ready To Dive In And Learn More?

This class offers opportunities for personal transformation as well as shifts in all the relationships in your life.  By cultivating your inner understanding, you improve yourself and all your relationships.

You will get:

  • Handouts on each pattern so that when you meet someone you will have a cheat sheet to figure out their pattern.
  • Skills to communicate effectively with people in patterns different than your own.
  • Techniques to deal with conflict.
  • Practices to get yourself out of the negative aspects of the pattern.