If you had told me years ago that the most life changing work I would ever do would involve closing my eyes, turning inward, and having gentle conversations with “parts” of myself, I probably would have laughed.
But Internal Family Systems therapy completely changed my life.
This is my personal story of how IFS helped me understand myself more deeply than any modality I had ever tried. And it is why I now use IFS daily in my coaching practice with clients across Seattle, Bellevue, Redmond, and all over the world.
IFS Finally Explained Something I Had Always Felt: I Am Made of Many “Me’s”
I always sensed multiple voices inside me. One part pushing me to succeed. One part wanting to hide. One part wanting to be perfect. One part wanting to rest. I thought this made me inconsistent or dramatic.
IFS taught me that this is completely normal.
We all have parts.
We are not one thing.
We are an inner family.
And this inner family longs to be understood.
Client Story: Sarah
Sarah was a high achieving executive who came to me saying she felt broken. She described one part of her that drove her into exhaustion with work, and another part that sabotaged her with procrastination. She saw these as character flaws.
Through IFS she realized they were both trying to protect her.
One protected her from failure.
One protected her from burnout.
When she met both with compassion, the shame dissolved.
Her internal war softened.
She began to lead these parts instead of being ruled by them.
She was not broken.
She was divided.
And division can heal.
IFS Works Whether You Are With an IFS Therapist or on Your Own
One of the first things that impressed me was that this work does not stay in the session.
IFS becomes something you can use every day.
Now I teach all my clients how to continue their work at home.
I teach them how to:
- identify which parts are activated
- speak directly to protectors
- offer compassion to younger parts
- follow emotional trails inward
- bring Self energy into real life moments
This turns therapy or coaching into an ongoing inner relationship.
As an IFS informed life and relationship coach, that is one of the greatest gifts I teach my clients.
Client Story: James
James, a father of two, came to me because he felt out of control with anger. Every time his teen son talked back, he snapped. He felt ashamed and helpless.
In one of our sessions, he discovered a younger part of him, around age eight, who felt terrified when anyone raised their voice. Another part jumped in to protect that boy with anger and intensity.
Between sessions, I had him practice speaking to the protective part whenever he felt that heat rising. He would say internally:
I see you.
I know you are trying to protect me.
Let me handle this.
Within weeks, his outbursts softened.
He could parent from calm instead of panic.
Not because he learned a technique.
Because he learned to lead his inner world.
No Part of You Is Broken. Every Part Has a Purpose.
IFS gave me a compassion I had never known.
A softness toward the parts I used to criticize.
The anxious part had a reason.
The angry part had a reason.
The avoidant part had a reason.
IFS teaches that every part is doing its best with the tools it has.
Client Example: Maria
Maria struggled with binge eating. She hated the part of her that binged. She shamed it, punished it, and tried endlessly to control it.
Through IFS she connected with this part and asked what it was afraid would happen if it stopped bingeing.
The part responded,
If I stop, she will feel everything she has been pushing away.
That part had been protecting her from unbearable loneliness.
Once she saw this, everything changed.
There was no battle anymore.
There was tenderness.
And healing.
IFS Integrates Mind, Body and Soul
IFS is not just mental work.
It is somatic and emotional and deeply intuitive.
It anchors you in your body.
It helps you feel where parts live.
It invites images, sensations, and emotions forward.
This creates a depth that cognitive work alone cannot reach.
Client Example: Ben
Ben was a successful entrepreneur who lived entirely in his head. He could think his way through anything, but he could not feel. He said his emotions were buried somewhere he could not access.
In one session, when I asked him to feel into a tightness in his chest, he suddenly saw an image of a little boy sitting alone on a curb. He said it felt random, like a movie clip.
It was not random.
It was a part.
A lonely eight year old who had never been accompanied.
When he placed his hand on his heart and said, I am here now, that boy began to relax.
It is moments like this that remind me how profound this work is.
The Healing Comes From Your Relationship With Your Parts
IFS taught me that the healing does not come from the therapist.
It comes from you.
Your truth.
Your connection.
Your presence.
My role is simply to guide you into your inner world with gentleness, curiosity, and respect.
Client Example: Dana
Dana had extreme anxiety around dating. She would panic before meeting someone and often cancel at the last minute. She believed something was wrong with her.
During our IFS work she met a part that was convinced relationships were dangerous. This part had memories of witnessing her parents fight in ways that terrified her.
She learned to build a relationship with this part. She checked in with it before dates. She reassured it. She set boundaries that made the part feel safe.
Her dating anxiety did not vanish overnight, but the panic softened.
She began showing up for herself instead of abandoning the scared younger parts.
That is where courage is born.
Not from force.
From understanding.
Internal Family Systems Looks at the Entire System
In sessions, clients often discover that parts interact the way families do. They form alliances. They argue. They protect one another.
I once worked with a woman whose hyper controlling part was constantly fighting her exhausted part. When she saw how these two were trying to help each other, she cried in relief. The war was never personal. It was protection.
IFS Gets to the Root Fast
Clients are shocked when, only minutes into a session, they find the exact younger part carrying the original wound.
I remember a client who found a seven year old version of himself hiding behind a couch in his childhood home. He had no idea that memory existed until it surfaced spontaneously in IFS.
That moment changed everything for him.
Transformation Happens Between Sessions
One of my clients, a high achiever who struggled with burnout, started checking in with her parts each morning instead of jumping into her task list.
Within a month, her anxiety decreased by half.
Not from productivity tools.
From inner communication.
My Own Burdens Lifted
The guilt I once carried felt like a weight in my chest.
IFS helped me meet the girl inside me who believed she had to be perfect to be loved.
When she was finally witnessed, the weight dissolved.
Not instantly, but profoundly.
Every Session Feels Sacred
I have watched clients meet parts they have abandoned for decades.
I have witnessed tears of relief when they finally say to a younger self,
I never should have left you alone.
There is nothing more sacred than that.
Internal Family Systems (IFS) Is Evidence Based
I share research with clients who are skeptical, but the real evidence comes from what they feel in their bodies.
Calm.
Relief.
Softening.
Clarity.
These shifts speak louder than any study.
Meeting Self Changed Everything
Self energy is calm, clarity, compassion, courage, curiosity, confidence, creativity, and connectedness.
Clients know when they are in Self because everything inside them relaxes.
I will never forget the client who whispered, “I think this is the first time I have ever felt like myself.”
IFS Changed the Way I Live
I now move through life asking,
Which part is activated and what does it need?
This is the same question my clients now ask themselves.
And life becomes gentler.
More spacious.
More honest.
Final Thoughts
IFS is not about fixing yourself.
It is about meeting yourself.
And when you do that, your life changes from the inside out.
Ready to experience Internal Family Systems for yourself
If you feel drawn to this work or even just curious, I would love to support you.
IFS sessions with me help you understand your inner world, unburden younger parts, shift reactive patterns, and lead your life from clarity and confidence. You also learn how to continue the work at home so the healing does not stop when the session ends.
Book a free 20 minute clarity call to explore whether IFS informed coaching is right for you.
Learn more or schedule a session at wendylynne.com/ifs therapy healing from the inside out
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