So What Makes A Relationship Challenging?

Most people believe it is because of the way the other person is acting, but they are wrong!

It is simply their judgment or thinking about the other person.

You could have the exact same relationship with the exact same dynamics…

One person thinks it’s a problem and that it’s challenging.

Someone else would think that it’s perfectly wonderful.

The only difference is what you choose to think.

Is It Just A Thought?

So consider some of your relationships that you find challenging.

It does not have to be romantic. It could be with your boss, a coworker, your child or a friend.

Notice what you are thinking about when you think about that relationship.

What are your thoughts?

Are they negative?

You probably think that you’re just describing the facts about the relationship or that person.

You think these aren’t just thoughts – this is how it is. These are facts!

Just Give Me The Facts

It’s hard to see that what you’re thinking is really just a thought.

It’s not factual.

If it were factual it would mean every single person in the world would agree with you about this person.

Do they?

So if you notice a lot of negative thoughts about that person, you are probably feeling very negative about the relationship.

So you could ask yourself, “Why are you choosing to think this way about the relationship?”

You might be thinking there is no choice.

This person’s challenging and so, that’s why my thoughts are the way they are.

Thoughts Aren’t Defaults

We get to choose what we want to think, right?!?

And what we decide to think will determine how we feel.

Most of us, blame the other person for how we feel.

We say, “The reason I’m frustrated, irritated or mad is because of this other person.”

The Good News

I can promise you, the other person cannot control your feelings, ever!

You are just thinking about that person in a certain way and that is optional.

Think about something they’ve done. Think about what you think about them.

Now I ask you, why do you choose to think that way about that person, especially if it makes you feel horrible?

Just asking yourself that question alone can open your eyes and increase your awareness to how much your thinking affects how you feel in a relationship.